One more day until the Winter Solstice, a rarely celebrated holiday but a meaningful one just the same, particularly because it is the shortest day of the year—the day with the least amount of light.

In Celtic tradition, this was a time to Pause, (what else could they do, without electricity the nights were endless?), and the Celts were left to build bonfires and huddle around until the dawning of day. During this darkest night women were asked to soul- search–to redefine what it means to be feminine—to contemplate one’s individual purpose and then to begin to plant seeds in the moist dark earth with the hope that they would germinate and grow seedlings as the light of day gradually became more prevalent.

Therefore winter, which includes a period of hibernation and waiting, seems the perfect time to continue our retreat work. If women are the “carriers of culture,” as Ashley Montagu once said, then we owe it to ourselves and those around us to continue our inward journey and see it as not selfish time but rather selfless time.  Imagine if women all over the world took this precious dark time when the spirit envelopes to continue to ask the important questions and then meditate on them during the months ahead.

On this particular Winter Solstice we will be further strengthened by the total lunar eclipse– a rare occurrence when the earth, sun, and moon are in perfect alignment. Isn’t that alignment precisely what we have been seeking as we have been pondering the meaning of our personal existences over the past few weeks?

If you were able to do just one day of retreat or if you were able to go through the entire process, some small seed of yourself is germinating and waiting to bloom.

For as the poet Rainer Maria Rilke said: “And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been”

Ponder the Process:

Here is the process we used in the past several weeks in order to go inward and hear our own voices. By getting on-line every Monday and Friday you were:

Answering the Call of Your Consciousness

Becoming a Pilgrim to seek answers for your life

Relishing the Path – the adventure of the unknown

Surrendering to Serendipity and find new delight

Welcoming the Transitions you find yourself in

Seeking Seclusion so you can be without chaos and clutter

Accepting Detours as an inevitable part of living

Taking Action with personal intention

And all of these steps will continue to lead up to you becoming your own heroine.

Embracing Mystery and Ritual

It’s taken me years to walk a labyrinth and actually settle in to the experience. But once I accidentally discovered the ancient labyrinth on Iona it became the profound moment such a meditative ritual can offer the seeker.

So, I was looking forward to what message I might receive this time. It is always breathtakingly beautiful to arrive at the top of Colomba’s Bay moor and gaze down to the water’s edge—the grassy meadow dotted with grazing sheep, the rocky coastline laden with impish seals,  and tucked somewhere amongst it all,  is the labyrinth.

Once down near the shore I spent quite a bit of time searching for the “right” stone to leave in the center—this time a heart-shaped one. But with intention and purpose just now I hightailed it to the entrance.

The path is narrow making one concentrate hard to put one foot in front of the other. Maintaining balance is key as falling into another’s path would take away from my own personal path. But once I got a rhythm and was clearly on the way, I gave into the moments.

Shedding is what you are meant to do—leaving outside of the spiral all thoughts, regrets, ideas, projections—an attempt to stay clear and concentrate only on the task at hand—to receive a message in the center of the spiral.

Today I heard the words, Let Go—nothing dramatic, but surely a useful instruction. OK, I’ll take it, I thought, and left my stone on top of the pile before me. As I turned and began the equally long walk out, the tears began to flow—I had been holding on to so much that was outlived—regrettable experiences-lost dreams-cherished people that I had no power to rescue  and needed to release.

Once outside the labyrinth, I headed up the beach and came upon a Native American Medicine wheel indicated by a small plaque someone had embedded in the sand. Aware that many medicine wheels are built to call upon one’s ancestors, I realized that there would always be support from afar– that the saints and relatives that went before us stand now with a strength of spirit to hold our endeavors and assist with their guidance.

Profound would not do justice to the labyrinth walk today. It was a relief and comforting to think that none of us walk alone. May you all experience such a message by walking your own labyrinth.

Questions to Ponder: Who can you call on for spiritual support? What is in your gene pool that can rise up and be there when the event seems too large for just you to handle? How can you begin to let go in little ways?

Seek Seclusion

“After a certain point it is necessary to let go of all outside help (or contact) and focus on one’s own resourcefulness.”  Joan Anderson

Once a woman escapes she should never call home. I had planned not to do so and then realized that the hotel computer was available for my use. And so, to be nice, I emailed my husband that we had arrived safely, gave him details of our trip complete with all the bumps and starts, wished him well for the next 2 weeks and sealed it with a kiss.

Two days later he answers. “I won’t bother telling you what’s going on here,” he offered. “Just know that I am all right.”

It wasn’t really him that I was worried about–I was much more concerned with our sons, one of whom is getting a divorce and the other, looking for a new job.

How stupid of me to invite intrusion—to open the door I had so completely shut and as a result, be left with anxiety and hours of obsessing over myriad possibilities.

A woman only needs to sense a taste of trouble and her mind begins to embellish. At first angry that he would suggest something being awry, I refused to answer and get involved in any drama that I had no way of solving. But it is such a “woman thing” that we feel so overly important—as if only we can solve the issues in the family or life.

Knowing how many women have ruined their retreats by calling home, I hightailed it to the Abbey, huddled into the Quiet Corner, began to breathe and waited for a spirit of goodwill to envelope me. Someone in the choir was singing an ancient hymn… Stoop to my weakness, mighty as thou art … words I needed to hear… and it was then that I could give over my weaknesses… such qualities as fear, anxiety, guilt, power, control– to name a few.

So I forced myself to give it to God and that led to my giving more over than I ever thought possible. Each morning before breakfast I set out for the Abbey and breathed my way toward peace of mind. Staring at the flickering candles and feeling sheltered from the roaring winds outside the stained glass windows, I began to come to some truth. It occurred to me that my grown sons, whom I obsess over, have been out of the house and therefore my tutelage for 20 years. I have not had any power over them during that length of time and now that they are facing major life transitions why would I think I had power over their circumstances now? I could only honor and have faith in what I know of them—that they possess integrity, truth, strength, a modicum of wisdom—that they are loving and deserve love in return—that in fact they have been launched and only life experience would do the rest of the job of forming their personas.

“After all,” a friend said, “raising a child is the only relationship that if you do it right it ends in separation.”

With that truth now clearly imprinted in my heart I stood up, lit a candle for each of them, released any control I thought I had, and left the abbey a changed woman. Each day there after I went back, lit two more candles and walked away, leaving my self-inflicted burdens behind.

Questions To Ponder:

Do you overrate your importance in your family’s life? What part of your role is outlived?  How can you begin to release your power and control over others to free yourself up to become the elder…the one who knows but does not act or teach?

In what circumstances can you begin to stop inviting intrusion and seek seclusion?

Surrender to Serendipity

“You do not need to know what you are looking for—only that you are looking for something and need urgently to find it.” Janine Vega

Finally…I am on the last leg of my trip–the ferry that runs from the tiny village of Fionnphort to Iona. I rush aboard, stow my bags and head for the upper deck where I can watch for the shoreline of Iona as it emerges out of the mist. There is an immediate sense of relief—having made it onto the last ferry of the day. My shoulders relax, my head clears, and I breathe deeply of the atmosphere that gifts me with a sense of peace I find no where else on earth.

Time to unload the burdens—not only the materials brought here for the retreat but the personal burdens that have been weighing so hard on me for the past year. The long day of travel was worth every minute if for no other reason than to experience this moment– a spiraling into my center from which I can begin to see new horizons.

This is my place—it feels like home—as if I lived here in a past life. Not everyone would find this a destination to their liking—population 100—an island with no cars, few stores, one pub and a three star hotel. And yet for the seeker, such a place is perfect– sheep that safely graze, playful people with a lilt in their brogue, late night sunsets, aqua -colored water, changeable weather combined with daily rainbows, organic gardens, dancing dolphins, and a history dating back to 563 A.D.

Still, many find being off the beaten path uncomfortable having been seduced by safety. And I must plead guilty as I made myself say NO to invitations that would take me out of my comfort zone—a  hike in high altitude, for one, and training for a local bike marathon. ”Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” my mother used to say. How right she was. If you don’t get off the tried and true path you risk seeing nothing—the serendipitous occurrence escapes you. So, here I am, seeking a new point of view in a place where there are no doctors, no quick exits, no immediate contact with the outside world– a place so remote with no newspapers, magazines, cell phone contact or television — no escaping yourself on Iona. After a certain point it is necessary to let go of all outside help and focus on one’s own resourcefulness.

Questions to Ponder: Are you presently carrying burdens—wounds that have been inflicted upon you or that which you have brought upon yourself?  Only when we list that which we don’t or shouldn’t carry any more can we begin to heal and grow. Make a list of those burdens…(example: anxiety, grief, guilt, judgment, envy, ego, self-doubt, hypochondria, fear,  mother power) and then, if you have access to stones (as we do on Iona’s beaches), write your burdens on those stones and carry them around in your purse or knapsack for awhile. The same thing can be done on pieces of paper…carry them in your wallet or place them by your kitchen sink so you can’t get away from the words and the feelings they evoke. When you have had time to see how unnecessary it is to be burdened by them or how you have held on to them for much too long –toss the rocks away or burn the papers. When you do such a cleansing or moral inventory you begin to pave the way for space to welcome  more positive energy. Caring for yourself  physically, mentally and emotionally is a first step in a personal retreat.  “You have a solemn obligation to take care of yourself because you never know when the world will need you.” Rabbi Hillel