Last night I took some of my own medicine and had a gathering of four women, three of whom had been with me on Iona. Invited for a glass of wine I put out some cheese and crackers, a few grapes, lit the fire, and uncorked a fine Pinot Noir as well as a Chardonnay. They arrived promptly at 5 and as like-minded women often do, we got right into it—discussing Iona of course, but then marriage, hopes, future endeavors, and dreams imagined as well as dreams tarnished. What was meant to be a quick drink turned into a five hour chatty marathon, made all the more interesting because we ranged in age from 30 to 65.

If you recall at the beginning of this on-line retreat, I insisted that this exercise not just be  about self improvement– it was also about having fun. Some of my suggestions were to enjoy a glass of fine wine, have lunch with a friend, get a massage, or buy yourself some fresh flowers.

Probably the most important thing for a woman to do during this hectic holiday season is to stop the doing and make time for being. That is precisely what we each must have needed last night as we seemed determined to revel in the spirit of friendship.

May you each find time not only for yourselves but for others whose company you truly enjoy.

Take Action

“Never trust a thought that didn’t come by walking.” Nietzch

“Walking is the best way to get out of your head,” said the monk, Thomas Merton. Indeed, with no other form of transportation on Iona, I count on my sturdy legs and a bit of discipline to get me from one place to another.

My mentor, Joan Erikson, was in agreement insisting that action was everything. “Action creates change,” she would say, “and action creates reaction. And while you are in motion, particularly in nature, you will find out that wisdom doesn’t come from a book, my dear…wisdom comes from the senses being evoked.”

We would recite a wonderful chant before heading out that I use to this day:

I gather all my heart and mind into walking.
I gather all my longing and seeking into my walking.
I gather all my thanksgiving and delight into my walking.
I gather all my sorrow and heartbreak into my walking.
Let my every step be a prayer of all that is in me—
all that I know—all that is dark and obscure.

Myth has it that if you walk north on Iona you get healing—west, you get patience—south, you get clarity—and finally, east offers grace. In a sense it is like walking the stations of the cross only in a natural sanctuary rather than a church.

The process has proved to be a sound one—to be healed takes time and patience. Throughout the  process if one stays open there is clarity. And, as a result of being faithful to the  journey, a woman is blessed with grace.

Although no one who begins such a journey has any idea of the outcome, having come so far and with strong convictions and intentions this band of soul sisters are confident that triumph will be theirs.

The poet, Stanley Kunitz suggested: “I have walked through many lives—some of them my own—and I am not who I was though some principles of my being abide.” Iona is the place we’ve chosen to re-write our scripts, add new chapters, and rid ourselves of illusion as the real burns to be born.

So we follow the piper and surrender to the haunting sounds as he leads us out of town and into the moors so that we can be in a state of mind that allows new thoughts and objectives to be revealed. We have come from storms to silence—changeable weather for our changeable beings.

Questions to Ponder:

Find a remote place—an unfamiliar setting where it is unlikely you would meet a friend, or be disturbed…the ponder one of the following questions.

1.Identify something heavy within you that seems to get in the way of you feeling peaceful—How could you replace this negative burden with a positive thought and work toward the light rather than stay with the dark?

2.As you walk begin to praise the gifts you have and give thanks for who you are, rather then holding onto to the old tapes that denigrate your being.

Accept Detours

“Nothing worthwhile can be hurried…not the season, birth, death, the coming of day or night…patience is what makes it all meaningful.” Joan Anderson

I have learned that you do not mess with the sea. Ever since being caught in a rip tide and rendered helpless several years ago, I realized then, the power of nature. It makes the decisions. We don’t have a say. And yet when my assistant and I awoke to howling winds and whitecaps stirring up the sea in front of our hotel and noticed that there was no 7am ferry docking, nor passengers waiting to leave,  we hurried down to the front desk to ask the manager what was happening.

”They’ve told us that the ferry has been canceled for the day,” he said. “It doesn’t happen often, but when they make such a decision usually the crew is sent home and there is no reversing the plan”

“You’re kidding,” I said, more than upset that seven retreaters had still not arrived and all of our best-laid plans for opening day would be trashed. Instead of going to Plan B (of which there was none),  I instead chose not to believe him, a not so subtle arrogance rising within me. I deemed that the storm would pass over and surely, the powers to be would reinstate the ferry service later in the day. After all, I had been coming to Iona for years and have never experienced such a thing! What’s more, looking out the window, all appeared normal. The sun had crested over the moors of Mull right on schedule, gulls were happily honking, and a family of unperturbed sheep had just crossed the hotel’s small front lawn to graze on a patch of lush grass. We sat down and ordered coffee, staring at one another in disbelief.

“They say the best laid plans always change,” said a young waitress attempting to assuage our angst.

I looked at my assistant, shaking my head and wondering how we could adjust our perfect agenda.

“That’s the problem,” she said, “we were into perfection.” Indeed that is the problem with most endeavors that women get involved in. Be it a family wedding, decorating a children’s bedroom, planning a dinner party, doing Christmas—we always think Hallmark and attempt to make it memorable, if not perfect.

I recall planning my first son’s wedding on a budget and having my fingers in every pot to make sure (regardless of lack of funds) that it be perfect. Alas, after the grand occasion, I was a mess—so involved in every detail I could barely remember the overall event. Remorseful and disappointed, I tearfully confessed my feelings to a friend. She loaned me a book entitled, Addicted to Perfection, and from that day forward I became less the leader and more the participant.

So back to Iona—as it turned out, our stranded retreaters made it onto the next morning’s ferry. Those of us already on the island ran down to greet the newcomers as long lost friends rather than new acquaintances and they, all but kissed the strange ground as if they were true pilgrims. Waiting does not become most women on a mission and so no sooner had they stowed their bags, laced up their boots and grabbed their walking sticks then we were off.  If Iona offers anything, it is awareness to the elements, the land, the senses they evoke, and an immediate ability to welcome the serendipitous. This morning there was a sense that although we could not get the time back lost to weather we could get on top of what happened  and allow for an attitude shift. So instead of a band of moonwalkers adjusting to the island’s energy, we became a band of hearty and eager trekkers marching with a determination and attentiveness,

“I am not what happened to me,” said philosopher James Hollis. “I am that which I chose to become.” Acceptance of what IS made us all the more eager for what could be or what was to be.

Questions to Ponder:

Surrender doesn’t mean quitting, rather it means giving in to circumstances and then standing back and letting the situation unfold. Imposing our ways and thoughts often misdirect the other. At the very least, when we try to play God or choreograph a particular scene to fit our viewpoint it becomes something willed instead of something that needs to evolve. Take this week and step back from confrontation, directing, fixing, offering suggestions and record how that makes you feel. It may be the greatest gift you can give yourself. In any case, for just this week, you will be off the hook.